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What was I thinking! What do I wear? What do I say? Will he like me? Will I like him? No going back! Then I hear the yard gate and know its too late — he's arrived! Using all my inner strength I open the door and plaster on a smile. Phew it's ok; he is still the lovely sweet man who had been chatting to me on the phone trying to figure out my needs and wants. I make coffee and we talked for an hour, how I regretted that hour now. Next time I’ll have him spank as soon he steps in through the door, heck I’ll even open the door in the buff. Even now I can’t explain why I want to be punished, why I want to submit and have him standing over me. He tells me that sometimes what seems like surrender isn't surrender at all. It's about what's going on in our hearts, about accepting it and being true to it, whatever the contradictions, because the pain of not being true is often the greater cost. Murmuring "whatever", I wash the mugs summoning the last brave bone in my body; he senses my. Up until that point, we had never had any contact, not even in the slightest. She came to the party, we met, we fell in love, end of story.Everything I had done in the last five years was done with the sole purpose of maximizing my chances of being at this party and meeting her again. I had come back to RPI to be here. I had joined ROTC, and had hung around the pool hall, all so that the Kegs brothers would notice me and invite me over (I had originally been found playing pool.) I had kissed every ass possible so that they would invite me to join, just so I could be here, tonight, at this party. No matter what the price would be, I had decided to pay it. If that meant leaving my family or joining the Army, so be it. I had to be here, tonight, in the formal room, to meet Marilyn. Nothing else mattered.I just stared at her. She was so beautiful to me as to take my breath away. Okay, to be absolutely fair about it, Marilyn wasn’t, and had never been the most beautiful girl on the.
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