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I get up and begin a day I know I will dread, no hate. I do this because I have to and not because I want to or choose to. What I want seems to be a daydream I really never get to have. It drifts in and before it has a chance to form it disappears, elusively slipping between my fingers. I never seem to be able grasp it. It slides away, farther and farther, each time I try to reach for it. And then I wake up only to find I’m still trapped in this nightmare, a nightmare of a life with no joy, no happiness, no love, nothing but sadness for me. Each day I wake up. Each day I wonder. I wonder what it would have been like. To just have, the briefest of moments to be with you. To be a whole person again. To be a real person with a life again. To be what used to be me. I wonder about a life that can never be now. A life that, that by contrast, is so different than what I have now. I can not hope for this to be as I would like it. Doing so would mean not considering you and your situation. So. She pushed Paige’s head away, closed her legs and dropped her wedding dress back down. Paige immediately stopped and turned to look at me. Both of them had the grace to blush. I stammered something in the way of an apology and how I had just come in to warn her that it was almost time for her entrance. While I was mumbling excuses Lacey was stammering something about Mandy, and Paige was giggling, not at all put out by my unexpected entrance. Paige wiped her mouth slowly with the back of her hand and then licked it off. Then she and sat down beside Lacey’s knee, smiling.Lacey finally ran out of things to say, and then seemed to realize that there was nothing else to add. Instead of making more excuses, she just blurted out, “Daddy, I’m just so horny! I couldn’t wait until tonight!”I didn’t know what to say. The wedding day daddy book didn’t say anything about a situation like this. “What you do with your fiancé and anybody else is your business,” I said. At that, she protested.
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