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According to him it goes in cycles. And you remember the conversation about typical ages for losing your virginity and how they’re about the same for religious kids at they are for non-religious ones.”Clarissa nodded, “I think it’s something you need to talk with Maggie about, if you’re serious about her.”“But it’s going to seem as if I’m pressuring her, and that is the LAST thing I want to do. That’s especially true if we don’t eventually end up together. Then I really WOULD have stolen something from her under what amounted to false pretenses or inappropriate pressure. And she’s not saying she has to wait until marriage, just that she wants a committed relationship before she does it.”“Yes, but is she allowing for the real possibility that going steady won’t lead to engagement and marriage? Or is she just implying that so you don’t get cold feet?”“I can’t look into her heart and know what she’s thinking at that level,” I replied. “But I think I get her point. There’s a difference. He wanted to apologize. Could he come over? I told him no way. He asked me to open my curtains and look past the courtyard in front of my building. I did. He was there, on the pay phone at the corner. Staring up at my window. Something about that really freaked me out. Maybe that he was watching me in my apartment, where I had previously felt safe, I don't know. But from that night on I didn't sleep. I reversed my schedule. I would stay up all night and go to sleep at sunrise. Sleeping until sunset. I refused to tell my parents. First of all, they were 1200 miles away.Second, I didn't want to admit I had made a mistake moving so far away. My boyfriend was out, he didn't believe me, that pissed me off and I started seeing less and less of him. He couldn't understand why my behavior was becoming so erratic and irrational.This went on for long time. I just "dealt" with it. A number of times I would see Jim. I lived in a security building, but I still didn't feel safe there. I knew it.
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