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The second is a ludicrously oversized dildo. It was a secret santa gift in my last year in college. It’s bright purple silicon with glitter all through it. One end is sensibly proportioned for a vagina-having partner to grip comfortably (and yes, you really need good kegels for this to work). The other is absurd, about 12 inches long, with a bulbous head perhaps 2 inches in diameter, narrowing on the curved shaft to an inch and a half. I never much liked it myself, but I’ve had the odd hookup with a girl who really liked that “full-up” feeling, or really liked being jabbed hard in the cervix. It’s also kind of useful if you want to try one of those weird positions that otherwise need 20 years of tantric yoga to get tab A close enough to slot B. In this case it’s gonna be great for scaring the crap out of Jimmy.I leave the dildo at the foot of the bed, out of Jimmy’s eye-line, heading to the bathroom and returning with a large tube of astroglide gel. I take the dildo in one hand and. “Money? A job? Fuck you,” I said. “Stacey was worth way more than that to me. Tell her that. Maybe it’ll make her feel bad about dumping me for a player like you,” I said. “Man you are something for damn sure,” he said. “I didn’t ask you to come here and offer me money as some kind of consolation prize. I never want to see your ugly face again. Do I make myself clear?” I said. “Yeah, I guess,” he said. “Fuck you and fuck off, asshole. You wanna do me a favor just get lost and stay lost! That’s all I’m ever going to ask of you.” The man nodded and left. I think he was feeling down, but who knew. What I was pretty sure of was the likely fact that he would henceforth be leaving me alone. Well, I could hope. The next days were busy for me. Well, I was setting up my new life. Bank account, driver’s license, even though I didn’t have a car anymore, and a few other things along the same lines. I was almost ready to make the tour. Then I got the visitor that I did want to see, my.
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