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I was ashamed of what I had done. I was ashamed that I was buying three dozen more condoms in preparation of doing it again, repeatedly. I knew that I should stop this insane nonsense; end this evil debauchery. But I also knew that I could not count on my will power, or Gary’s restraint to avoid a repeat.I do not know about other women, but I seem to be unable to resist any man who has made me cum. I seem to become instantly obsessed with that man; almost as though he has a strange power over me, a power I am unable to resist. In a sense, I become his.In this case, that man was my son. And that came with emotional baggage that seemed to make me even more susceptible to being obsessed and vulnerable.In a very real sense, Gary now owned a part of me from that moment forward. I knew as I was standing there buying these condoms and birth control pills, I was acknowledging the fact that I would take my son inside me again. I was his; I belonged to him now. I could try to resist, and try to. Imentioned the comments I had heard and they all assured me that thoseboys were just blowing smoke and trying to get a reaction out of me. Samadded that if they did ever try anything that he, and probably most ofthe football team, would make sure that they didn't do it again.During lunch I kept thinking about my dream and either consciously orsubconsciously, I couldn't keep my eyes off Sam. While I think Sam wasoblivious to this, Megan and Sandi picked up on this immediately.Finally, Megan and Sandi said let's talk and lead me off to the girl'sbathroom. I was surprised because any nervousness I had had about goinginto the girl's bathroom was gone. It seemed so natural to me now. Whenwe went inside, there was no one else in there. Megan locked the door and said, "Sandi and I have been talking. We spenta lot of time talking about you and what we thought about what you aredoing. Like I told you yesterday, you are fast becoming my friend Erinand I am having a very hard time even thinking.
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