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”I’m like, “Yeah you are, and I’ll prove it to you.”He goes, “Fine. Prove it.”I’m like, “Alright. Do you like porn?”He goes, “Yeah, I love porn. You know that.”I’m like, “Do you only watch scenes with two women together?”“No, I watch a man and a woman making love.”“Do you like the guy to have a small, half-flaccid penis?”He goes, “No, I like big, hard, throbbing cocks.”“Why are you a vegetarian?” I asked him. And it wasn’t even because meat is bad for you.He said that “raising cattle was bad for the planet -- with cow flatulence in the ozone and the clearing of land for the raising of cattle. What are you doing to help the environment?”“I’m eating the cow.”On Deer Hunting:If you ever miss one, it’s because the bullet’s moving too fast.Slow the bullet down to 55 miles an hour, put some headlights and a little horn on it -- the deer will actually jump in front of the bullet.There was a farmer who grew watermelons. He was doing pretty well, but he was disturbed by some local kids who. ‘The coke’s working,’ he thought, moving his mouth upward, intent on spending a tantalizing eternity on that tiny strip of border flesh between her anus and cunt known as the perineum. But after another application of coke, the area was growing raw from the intensity with which he was licking her. He knew that his tongue was driving her crazy, and seeing her fingers thrusting harder and faster, in and out of her creamy cunt, supported his theory. Conrad delighted in teasing this whore, now a sometime girlfriend. His tongue moved a half-inch north and she made a whooshing sound. He cupped her buttocks and slapped them twice, then spread them, baring the tiny pink tightness of her clenched asshole. ‘I love you here, too,’ she heard him whisper, and his tongue began to rim and tickle the furrowed rosebud. He pried her tiny orifice open, and his tongue moved into the dilated opening, flicking, stabbing and making a shallow, but undeniable penetration. Leah jerked at each touch, as if.
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