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There can be no greater pain or suffering i can feel then when Master is not pleased with me. Naturally i will feel depressed, saddened, empty, and lost. i can only hope He will show His mercy upon me and provide to me the guidance i will need to be put back on track so that i will be forgiven and once again be allowed His eyes upon my flesh, His touch upon my soul, and His warmth and love upon my heart.45. my submission is a natural inborn feeling, and at times a surging and powerful force inside me that only a respectable and knowledgeable Master can recognize, control and manage, for a He understands how my nature influences my behavior and how temptations to act outside of its drive can easily lead me astray and away from my primary focus: to please and to be found pleasing. He, too, manages and controls His Own natural state, sharing with me through a power exchange between us, bonding me tightly to Him, His needs with mine. my submission to such a Master allows for me to feel. After a few minutes of gentle rubbing, i felt the crop come down on my ass again, this time with more force. i shuddered as my breath escaped me, and i felt incredibly alive. i realized He knew i only wanted more. And just as i was absorbing the sensation from this first real blow, He struck again on the other cheek. As He continued this lovely torment, i knew that i had come home. The funny thing was, it was no home that i had ever really known before. i felt alive, and aroused, and grateful. And i was burning, both inside and out. Each stinging blow also brought the feeling of freedom, of liberation. And i also felt relief. It was a relief to finally know that what i’ve had inside of me all my life was real. It was another heady moment. i was almost in tears from the intensity of this relief.After several minutes, the sensation became too much for me. With the combination of the wonderful pain, and the emotions i was feeling, i needed a minute to catch my breath. i debated about.
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