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Except, it was not a new car. ‘This is Cleopatra’s Barge,’ Nan announced. ‘My husband Harlan named it that when he got it fifty-seven years ago. It’s a 1953 Buick Roadmaster Convertible. We had some great times just cruising around with the top down back in those days. Two years before he passed, he had it all updated and repainted to make it just like new, only better. The top is new, the tires and other things that tend to rot are new. I have a list of all the things that were fixed or changed on it. ‘It’ll take a few hours to get it running again, but when it is, it will be my engagement gift to you two. I can’t drive it … I couldn’t even when I was young. It was just too much car for me. But I’d like to see you two lovebirds enjoying it just like my Harlan intended. I don’t want to see it in my garage like this any more. I want to see it out on the road.’ I was stunned. We were stunned. The car, what we could see of it, was beautiful. Painted what I called fire-engine red in. I saw an ad for an expensive weight loss program that said they would guarantee that I would lose40 pounds in 4 weeks or my money back.What the hell! Why not give it a shot? What didI have to lose?After I signed in, they told me to go in this room and take off all my clothes, so I go in there and it looks like a normal steam room. Big deal!I was about to get dressed and leave when the door opened and an incredibly beautiful blonde opens the door and comes in buck naked.As soon as I could get my eyes up high enough to read the sign, I saw that it said, "If you catch me, my ass is yours."I was off like a shot, but so was the girl and, damn, she was fast. However, I eventually caught her and took what was mine. We whammed and blammed and thankyou ma'ammed all over that damned steam room.She left me as limp as a noodle--all over. When I weighed up, I had lost 15 pounds. Well, sheeeit!If this is the method, I'm up for it. Not only that, but if I stop at 39 pounds I don't have to pay..
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