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I reach the junction with Star Street where the precinct ends and the ‘Old Town’ begins. ‘Oi! You look a bit like Steve Collins… I like him!’ I turn and see two fat slappers dressed in leather jackets and jeans loitering in a shop entrance – they are probably early twenties. They put me in mind, for an instant, of the bloated spiders, you see in autumn, patiently straddling their webs hoping for a fly to stumble blindly in… ‘You mean Steve Collins the ‘Celtic Warrior’… the boxer?’ I respond. I don’t think I do resemble him… and I’m ten years older too but add: ‘You like boxing then? Lennox Lewis is fighting tonight… pity I haven’t got Sky or I would have watched it.’ ‘We’ve got Sky… come round ours!’ Forward: I think… or rather what passes for thinking when you’re pissed. ‘Where do you live?’ I don’t want to trawl halfway across town. ‘Mount Street.’ Fack! I live in Mount Street and I’ve never seen them before. ‘Yeah… thanks… I will.’ ‘We’re s****rs you know.’ One says. ‘You do look. She remained professional, asking me about my health and any concerns that I might have. As I mentioned above, my wife sees this doctor as well, and the doctor knew that she has had a lack of sexual desire for many years. She asked me if I had any sexual concerns, and part of me wanted to tell her that I had been in dry dock so long that she was the first woman to express any interest in even talking about sexual activity with me in over a year. I knew that she knew this, however, and simply commented that everything seemed to work properly when called upon to do so. As we talked, she began putting on latex gloves and asked me to lay back on the examination table. She then told me that she had to check me for ruptures or hernias and slid her warm hand under the hospital gown and cradled my testicles in her hand. Involuntarily, I sprang to attention instantly. My face flushed and I mumbled out an apology, but she acted as thought she had not even noticed as she gently kneaded my.
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