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I couldn't help but to admire the fact that her wind had just blew around such a beautiful area."Lovely? You enjoyed my fart?"She asked and nervously chuckled.I'm sure there had been a little mix up in the translation,I was intending it to sound sarcastic but clearly it didn't translate well."Umm..."I hummed thinking of the right words to say,all the while her gorgeous deep brown eyes burned into mine.She then laughed again which helped ease the growing tension.She suddenly raised her butt off the rock, and -*Pblrrrtt!*-ripped another slightly louder longer fart."And that's why I'm called Quanah Niyol - Fragrant Wind!"She boasted proudly and laughed.I stared opened mouthed, in shock.Yet it was such a thrilling sight to behold, a gorgeous naked woman doing such a thing right beside me, well it turned me on immensely.I nervously laughed, trying to hide the thrills her farts were giving me,but my own body betrayed me as my damp nipples began to grow erect.I placed an arm over my chest,. Convert? How very Tony Blair. The priest’s lilting North West brogue breaks into my meandering thoughts with a tiny squeak of microphone feedback, and the show is officially rolling. ‘We gather here today to celebrate the life of Agnes McCormac, who has now returned to her home with Our God, The Father.’ A panicked assessment of neighbouring faces confirms it’s my error, and not that of the priest confidently holding court up ahead. ‘Shite.’ It’s slipped out, in barely a whisper between my gritted teeth, but the whole front row of genuine chief mourners turn, shocked eyebrows raised in my direction. ‘Sorry. So sorry, it’s just shi… shocking, still shocking. Poor Agnes. Sorry…’ I indicate the end of my hushed apology with an ‘I’m done now, dramatic emotional scene over, as you were.’ raised palm. Mortified, I close my eyes like it’s all too much. I want to keep them closed forever, or at least until the communion wafers have been doled out, final hymn sung and Agnes bloody McCormac.
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