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We would just head out out for the whole day, going to the nearby lake to check out the girls. Now that we were 18, we were experiencing the joy of hook ups with the daughters of visiting German tourists who stayed in cabin boats on the river. On the first Saturday of the summer I showed up at Barry's house to find that only his mom, Carmel, was home. It hadn't occurred to me to call him in advance, he was almost always there. Carmel was about 40, she was dark-haired with brown eyes. She was about 5' 3" and had a finely curved body, which I was appreciating - not for the first time - as I walked behind her, looking at her full bottom sway in her faded denim jeans. I had always fancied her. She was sexy, but also she was friendly. She spoke to me like an adult and not like a boy. Even though she was older, it felt like she was of our generation. I was always impressed by her large breasts, and her friendly warm brown eyes. In truth,and I had never told Barry this, I had masturbated. Basically, Noble says, Reik argues that "Reik'sChristian masochist is both the victim and the victimizer and thus seekspunishment from within. . . . There is something of the publicspectacle--indeed, one might even argue something of the exhibitionist--that is constitutive of the pleasurable punishments for Reik'smasochist" (63).Reik's masochist is identifiable, Noble says, by "four primaryfeatures": he (Reik's masochist is male) (1) "seeks out the gaze ofthose who can either reward his deeds or witness his suffering"; (2) hasa need for fantasy, especially one in which he imagines that "what isbeaten is not so much the body as the flesh and, beyond that, sinitself"; (3) "the suspension of punishment (or reward) for as long aspossible"; and (4) "the orchestration of a punishment imperative wherethe masochist aggressively demands punishment to relieve theaccumulating anxiety" (63-64).According to Reik, Noble says, "Ultimately, or perhaps penultimately,the moral masochist seeks to be.
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