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"Renée looked at me too. "Ral..." she said as if warning me to stop before I did something I would regret.I shook my head and closed my eyes.I felt a cool hand on my cheek. I knew it wasn't Renée.Opening my eyes confirmed it was Erin. She was standing close but not touching me otherwise. It was probably for the best. "If you need me, I'm here. If this craving is that strong maybe we should take care of it before the meeting." She closed the short distance between us and pressed herself to me.I closed my eyes again. I could feel every hair, every inch of her body — in my mind. I knew Erin just as well as Renée and also knew she would be just as willing to receive me. However, I continued to hold onto the sink. "I ... I'm not sure that's a good idea."Erin's voice dropped to almost a whisper. "Would it be worse than if this got out of control while you were in the meeting?"Her question made me stop and think. If this craving of mine reoccurred while I was discussing House politics with. "Walt had a point, albeit a sharp and painful one. Fatherhood aside,Marcia always felt out of sorts as a parent. All parents felt likeimpostors to one degree or another, at least the thinking ones did. Whatsort of parent was one-hundred percent sure that they always knew whatthey were doing? What parent didn't suspect that they'd made mistakesalong the way?Answer: a bad parent.But for Marcia this normal parental anxiety was compounded by the crisisof her sexual identity. An impostor as a man, it followed that she couldonly feel like an impostor as a father. She'd been playacting the role ofboth, her grip on what she perceived she was supposed to do in any givensituation that much more tenuous. None of it seemed to be coming fromwithin, but was modeled, mimicked really, from some vague and ever-changing notion she had of the ideal father, of what a "real" man woulddo.As a father, as a man, she felt like a total fake.Okay, so maybe Phoebe was realizing that Marcia had been miscast in.
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