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Doesn't the Bible say ashes to ashes, and dust to dust?Sometimes I wish that's all I was. Just a pile of beautifulbroken bones lying in a wreck.It's now, as I climb back into my room, that I am at my worst. Iundress and put my hanging clothes back in the closet. I closemy eyes (I never watch the sun rise) against the coming of dawn.It's in this few moments before sleep overtakes me that I look onmy fate.I did nothing wrong. Wanting to be female was not wrong. Iunderstand that now. But why was I made to suffer like I am? Ithad to be something. Again I ask myself the question."Where did I screw up?" my voice, trembling with tears in mythroat, calls out.Suddenly, I am in a dark place. I'm shivering and can't see mysurrounding's. What's going on?A voice I know all too well whispers to me."You never will change."The darkness ebbs, and I now see I am sitting next to a campfire.The warmth makes my body shiver as if to drive out the cold.Standing across from me is the phantom I. I would however be very willing and enthousiaticallywhen kissing and making out with my "boyfriend". And the week after itroughly went the same way with a different dress, a new even moreglamorous hairdo and a new boyfriend. She even set up a website for mewhere i was supposedly frantically looking for suitable men and wherei(she) was posting my sexiest pictures. This of course attracted a moreadult kind of men but mummy knew that it was what a girl like meneeded......Marcia part 2(Marc)I had actually planned to run away today. It's not that i'm complaining asi have been a very willing participant in the whole thing up to now butoften the weirdness of my home situation gets to me. It was the last dayof school before the summer holliday and i saw the few friends i had leftplanning all kinds of holiday activities, their camping trips and travels.I was totally loosing contact with that life and would probably loose thefew oddball friends that i still had if they even had an idea about.
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