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She had never been to my cottage in the few months that we had known each other, so I gave her directions.I met Candy outside as she arrived as the sun set over the lake, and the warm spring day was giving way to a brisk spring evening. We went inside my cottage, and she explained that her mother had kicked her out because her mother’s boyfriend was sleeping over. She really felt that she had nowhere to go. So we talked for awhile, and then she asked what music I liked. I showed her my CD collection and she started to play one on my stereo.She sat down next to me on the couch. We held each other for a few songs, and then she asked if I would like a lapdance. I remembered that wonderful experience at the titty bar in the private booth, so I said yes. She stood up and took off her sweatshirt and jeans and then went to change the music to some slower songs. She came back and took my hand as I sat on the couch. I thought she was just going to reposition me so that she could. I’m not sure if I was being brainwashed, but my feminine side was clawing its way to the surface and my thoughts were changing. I knew there was zero chance of ever following through with a transition. Of course I wouldn’t get breast implants. Of course I wouldn’t take hormones. Of course I wouldn’t leave the house dressed like a woman. First off, I’m just too damn shy and self-conscious about that. Secondly, my family is very conservative and I’d be disowned—written out of the will. Guaranteed. Third off, my girlfriend, who is also very conservative, has expressed great disdain for “those types of people.” She would, without a doubt, leave me. If those things happened, I would most likely grab a 12 pack of beer, go out in the garage on a 20 degrees-below-zero February night, start up the car, put on some Pink Floyd, and slip away into eternal sleep. Whew! Well, I began shaving my body on a daily basis. I lost a bunch of pounds that men seem to gain very easily in their 40s. I’d wear.
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