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My sex life after the breakup became thrill based rather than love based. It started with porn which got more repetitive and less exciting as time went on. I quickly moved to using prostitutes but even that started to lack excitement especially when it was clear they weren’t into the sex. I started using online streaming sites and found I loved being watched by others. But for a middle aged man most of the people looking were other men. However, I found the naughtiness of being watched by people of the same sex exciting. Sometimes they would chat to me and complement me on my cock my big belly or my arse. If I was lucky they’d tell me what they’d like to do to me, I’d always cum at the end of the session. And the thought of a guy jerking off to my cumming was awesome. Now I wanted to try the sex for real.I knew I didn’t want to date a gay guy, as discussed above any relationship would have to be with a woman. What I wanted was the same anonymous set up I’d enjoyed online just with. But then I came up with the idea of writing it down, and putting the loose-leaf paper in a secret spot. I could always insert it into my journal at some future point. I did write in the journal about the exchange program, about my feelings for Melanie, and about missing Birgit. Fortunately, I didn’t dream that night.Kathy Will’s “Sweet Sixteen” party was coming in about a week. I had found out that the guest list basically included cheerleaders and football players and me. That was not my idea of a good time, because I didn’t like that group. But my crush had invited me, so I was going. I had been pleasantly surprised to see Bethany Krajick was invited.My tutoring session with Melanie was normal. She didn’t say anything about talking to Jennifer, so I didn’t raise the topic myself. On Tuesday, I dropped in on the chess club and got beat badly in several games, but I had fun seeing Mary, Larry, and Jennifer all playing. On Wednesday, I stopped Bethany in the hallway.“Are you going to.
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