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But I was exhilarated. I browsed over thedifferent packages, rubbing shoulders with other women, exchangingglances. "Are we all menstruating?," I wanted to ask. It wasbizarre things like that that I wanted to say. I chose a box of tampons like my girlfriend used. I bought my ownpain relievers too. I carried them, obvious, in my basket up to thecheckout. The girl swiped the bar codes and put them in my bag,oblivious to the utter gravity this moment held for me. I went to work with two tampons in my purse and one in my vagina. Iwas changing.I was socialable at work, but avoided social situations. Workprovided a structure. I still wasn't sure exactly how I should actin more intimate settings. There were always little questions.Someone asked if I'd ever been to Arizona. I had or rather "he" had.But Suzanne hadn't and I had to consider my answer. I just said'yes.' One woman asked when I started smoking. I lied and told herI was a rebellious teen at parochial school. "I. I just can't lie to my Master.I felt very degraded by eating from the bowl on the floor like a dog, losing the privilege of silver ware was so very demeaning, but I knew I deserved such treatment for being such a disobedient and lazy slave.However, I was feeling sorry for myself that morning, wishing that Master would take pity on me and view me as his equal. I desperately wanted to be more than his slave, but I knew that was not to be, I would always be, in an erotic sense, inferior to him.I had known from the beginning of our relationship that it would be based solely around a shared interest in the lifestyle we chose. But, I also know, from daily experience, that my Master loves me and cares deeply about me. I know that when he punishes me, He does so because he loves me, and because he knows I crave his the pain. He knows I'm a pain slut pure and simple, and get pleasure from the suffering he inflicts on me. I was a little hurt when he sent me away to take a cold shower, I had.
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