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Besides, I had to have her help, and lots of it, if I had any hope of pulling this off.So I told her. I tried to put as good a spin on it as I could, but even to me it sounded seriously weak. The last-ditch effort of the doomed man, was all I could hear. The thing was, since I hadn't been able to verbalize my thoughts it was the first time that I, too, was actually hearing what had been only an incompletely formulated idea before. I went on for a little while before I finally just sort of petered out.To my astonishment she didn't immediately dump all over my plan. Actually I'd been expecting her to cut me off mid-explanation and tell me it was half-assed before I'd even finished. As it was, though, she heard me out in utter silence, and then the silence seemed to go on just about forever when I ran out of things to say."Susan?" I asked tentatively."I'm here." Well?"She sighed audibly. "You know I think the whole idea is insanely risky, sweetheart," she said. "I mean, you knew that. Just. . . . I just didn’t have the resolve to stop myself. I wanted it too much. I did pretty well in high school, played sports, good grades, dated a pretty cute girl my entire junior and senior year. I hoped Jenna got to have that too. A steady strong relationship to learn about relationships and not the topsy turvy crazy emotional ones some people had then and have now. Then college with some cuties until I met my wife. I have nothing to complain about, really. I really am a nice guy! But I can’t ignore what I did, or that it still energizes me every time I think of what I saw in the mirror. God forgive me, I think I will always look back on it fondly. Maybe I am a sick fuck, but if it were all started over, I think I would do the same thing. In fact, if I knew how hot it would be . . . . I now I would do the same thing. Samantha was talking about the fall Sadie Hawkins dance coming up next weekend. She was excited. I wondered if I should chaperone. Would she be.
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