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" But why?" Because of what you said the other night. How much you wanted to hurtme. I guess it made me realise how easily you could. You said you likedseeing me so vulnerable. And I am. I'm so disempowered, just like yousaid. I'm at your mercy. And this right now, where a part of your bodyis inside me. It's fucking terrifying!" I wasn't thinking it was a punas I said it, but I suppose it was.He remained on top of me, still appraising me quizzically."And I'm also scared because I have no idea what I'm becoming. I triedto be all full of bravado and fatalistically accepting about it. I meanjust like you I won't be able to be anything other than what he makesme. But I'm so frightened of what that is. Waiting and not knowing ismaking it all the worse." And I know I wasn't perfect, but I was me. Now I'm somebody else.Completely different. Slowly metamorphosising further into a person withabsolutely nothing in common with who I was. And I'll never be me again.And it's all too much to take.". Cinnamon came in with plates, napkins and silverware and put them at the other end of the table.“Everything should be ready in about 10 minutes,” she said going back into the kitchen.I put the plates, silverware, and napkins in front of 2 chairs across from each other near the end where Char was sitting. Char was silently watching the activities. Cinnamon brought in a loaf of unsliced bread with a bread knife. She smiled when she saw I had set the table. I popped the cork and poured 2 glasses of wine. Next she came out with a large bowl of white rice. This was followed by a larger pot which was steaming. Whatever it was it smelled great. Char must have agreed her nose was up in the air taking in the aroma.“This is stewed fish. It has carrots, potatoes, sweet potatoes, and of course fish,” Cinnamon explained.She sat and took a couple of heaping spoons of the rice and then topped in with the stew. I did the same. She took a small piece of carrot and mashed it on a small plate, she did.
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