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One day early in the morning she texted me saying, “Can I trust you?” I told her, “Trust cannot be proved, it is just a mutual understanding, everything that we have texted till date is just between me and you only. Sex is trust; I cannot tell you anything more than this.”She replied to me telling let’s meet. I told how you will come out of your house. She told me she will tell her dad that she is writing an exam in Mysore (a very close city to Bangalore) on Tuesday. Her college is taking her to write the exam in the college bus and will come back on Tuesday. When her father drops her off to college, she will come out with me.I told her I will book a hotel in Bangalore and well spend the night there. She replied, “No, not here. We will go to Mysore because her relatives are in Bangalore and could spot her and report to my dad if they see me with you.” I told her nobody can see her, but she didn’t agree.So I booked a room in Mysore and agreed we’ll go to Mysore by bus. I had bought. . mymanhood. I just started to bawl, well... like a little girl. But thatjust made me feel worse because I'm not supposed to be crying. But Icouldn't stop. After a while I discovered that it actually made it seembetter, like all the bad stuff I was thinking about had drained out withmy tears."You felt a sense of loss?"It's not just that. It's like when someone close to you just ups andleaves. You know things can't go back to normal but you miss them justthe same. I'm beginning to accept that I'm a girl now, but I just can'tdeal with this sense of total abandonment." It seems like you are mourning a really big loss."It feels like, like, when she left." Sam took a deep breath. "Shesimply ran out one day and left us alone. Her worthless husband was amess and I was left trying to care for a little brother with a mentalhandicap.I was a miserable failure at it. And now I wonder, would things haveturned out better if this happened to me sooner?"She motioned toward herself. "Maybe.
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