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The girl who had little but gave a lot. The girl with such a gorgeous face with thin, flesh-colored lips that were capable of more than my entire body was. The girl who was everything to me saw me as her world. You solved me. What did you see in me? What sort of fascination could even compare to how I felt about you? Why did you care on a level anywhere near the level of which I did you? I don’t expect an answer to ever be given, but that’s okay. I understand, because I’m the same way- I can only string words together and hope they form some form of structure. I do hope someday, you’ll tell me the answer to my own riddle, or was the answer you all along? I was privileged. You saw inside me better than anyone else could. You said you saw things inside me that you wished you could claim. You saw beauty, charm, brilliance, compassion, loveliness within the twisted sinews and stilted veins that operated by my own erratic heartbeat. I had never seen myself as beautiful, charming,. .." She paused for a long time, "GOD I HATE YOU!" and hung up on her mother.I stared at my phone for a minute, and then set it down. I knew that I deserved that, but it still hurt a lot. My own k**s hated me. My husband hated me. I am sure on, some level, my parents were pretty mad at me. I just wish this nightmare would end, and I would wake up to the way things were before Matt's accident.I went to bed crying again, wishing that I could just give up.*****Matt starts therapy hoping to get better soon.After the k**s left for school, my mom showed up to get me ready and take me to my therapy appointment. She was great, helping me out when I needed it the most. We got to the hospital and went into the physical therapy clinic to check in. They rolled out a wheelchair so that I wouldn't have to try to walk all the way into the clinic.While we were waiting, I thought of my wife. She was somewhere in this building, at that big desk in the E.R., doing her thing. I wonder if she even thought.
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