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It’s in our makeup to preserve ourselves with bullshit, though. I said that my mistake had lain in, ‘trying to effect a change in someone else,’ but that makes it sound like I was trying to break her down and rebuild her in my own image. Really I just wanted to make her want to change herself. How much more noble that sounds! I went inside and puked until every muscle in my back felt like it was going to tear itself out through my skin and dance away in a waltz of pain. Staring at what was left of my stomach all over my hands and in my hair, the idea that I had to get a new hobby struck me with amazing clarity. I rinsed off my hands and went into my room to stare out the window. Seven in the morning and everything is painted with the blue of dawn. All I want, right now, is to fall in love, hard. I want to lose myself in a girl, to live on the smell of her skin. I’ve spent my whole life falling in love with women ten minutes at a time, as I walked down the street or sat in. I was kind of ashamed of myself. I had not had a wet dream like that in my life, not even when I was a confused teenager trying to figure out what the hell was going on with my body and I went from a short and scrawny kid to a short and curvy young woman.Shower finished, I dressed in a faded pair of jeans, white t-shirt, and black knit sweater. My black combat boots were in need of cleaning after last night's festivities at Sal's, so I slipped on a pair of sneakers and gathered up the sheets and nightclothes for the washer in the basement. After starting the load, I went in search of breakfast. Tea with a ham, cheese, and spinach omelet later and I was feeling human again. I walked back to the dorm and changed out the laundry. I spent a good half hour washing the blood off the bottom of my boots and giving them a good buff. The worn leather was glowing by the time I was done and they were good to go for the day. My first class was at 8:00 AM so after grabbing my sheets out of the.
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