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Even in bright day light, she looked good for 43 and in the shadows with only dim lights to occasionally play over her features, her figure was the most outstanding feature, and she looked like a girl half her age from that perspective. I was not the only person who thought so, because a huge mountain of a man moved out of the shadows and though the pounding music covered what he said, I could tell he was more than happy to direct her to a couple of tables down near the front.She laughed at something he said and put her hands on his forearms and then leaned her body into his arm, which brought a leering smile at her. He offered her an arm and led her down through the maze of tables occupied by a smattering of men and a few couples to table just feet from the stage, where a man in a purple short was telling a series of dirty jokes.As I followed my wife and her escort, my eyes adjusted and I saw ladies moving through the tables, each with pasties covering their nipples and. It’s Christmas!o If something comes with gravy, use it. That’s the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.o As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they’re made with skim milk or whole milk. If it’s skim, pass. Why bother? It’s like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.o Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people’s food for free. Lots of it.o Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year’s. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you’ll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.o If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself.
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