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Maybe it was something subconsciously pushing the idea to my fingers but soon I found myself on a site explaining Tarot. The memory of that night a few weeks ago when I drew the devil suddenly came to mind and I read a small paragraph about the card. Some phrases almost jumped off the page, ‘submitting to another’, ‘allowing yourself to be controlled’ focus in on the physical and forgetting the spiritual’, being taken in by appearances and ‘foreseeing a bleak future’. Panic was rising in my chest when the sound of the kettle boiling made me jump. I switched off my phone, returned it to my bag and made myself a coffee. I sat back down at the table and took a small sip before placing the cup down. I slowly lost myself in thought – a mix of reflections on him, the night before and the information about the card spun around my head. Suddenly I felt a hand on my shoulder that froze me with fear then a whispered voice I knew only too well let the tension evaporate. ‘I see you are finding. He got me a few times to engross this ‘going across to him’ routine, by calling me, around 9:20pm which was about 10 minutes before the usual weekday time the boys would be going up for bed. First thing he had me do was leave my bedroom door open as I stripped off and prepared. Obviously with the chance one or other would look in. Then as I came back out along the landing and down the stairs, I was completely exposed if they came up the stairs or if later if one came out of the bathroom. Sometimes he’d phone me just to do that with no intension of then inviting me over, leaving me quite horny. In the later months, sometimes I’d go over there and he’d have 1, 2 or 3 friends of his to help with his abuse of me. (In all I met about 6 of his mates). This was not reserved for just me; all the other wives we’d introduced him to, were also doing this in different degrees. Sometime with the hubby just to watch. Sometimes David would be invited over to watch and ‘clean up’. Ben had by.
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