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“That one day east Germany would be free, the Party and the Stasi broken and we could go home.”I ached to comfort her with the knowledge that in twenty-five years that would happen – at least in my world – but all I could do was hug her. I don’t recall the assassination affecting me much in my previous life until I saw the picture of JFK’s small son saluting his father’s coffin as he stood with Jackie at the funeral.We stood huddled over Mutti Frida for a minute or so and then she stood up. “I think we all need a cup of hot chocolate.” She busied herself in the kitchen whilst we sat at the table. In the background, the BBC was playing sombre music.When the hot chocolate was ready, Mutti Frida sighed and chased us back on to the sofa and helped tuck the blankets around us. “Life goes on, children. Read your book.”We sipped our hot chocolate and read more of Under Milkwood, but the zest had gone out of our reading and, eventually, we stopped. We sat there, just listening to the music. I hear the word 'shock' being thrown around a lot, so that's probably it, though I don't feel shocked. Just sleepy. I wonder vaguely what's going to happen to all that blood I left at Carly's. And I decide I'll clean it up, I'll clean it all up because at least it's one mess I can fix.And I think I'm saying sorry to Carly, over and over again, and it's making her cry but I can't stop it.I feel a little better when the stitches are in and they're wrapping my hand up, even though my hand stings and feels like a bunch of raw nerves. I can see Carly off to the side, PearPhone to her ear, and I know she's calling my mom. And I feel like telling her not to bother, because even if my mom was somehow awake and sober, she still wouldn't care. And then she's coming back, and I can tell she couldn't reach her. And even though that's what I expected it still feels like a kick in the gut. But she's smiling and trying to be brave. For me."Hey Sam, how you feelin'?"I laughed, "You should see the.
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