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She asked if being so close to Her embarrassed me and I said that it didn't. In fact I really enjoyed being close to her in that way."Darling, I think that what we did tonight was wonderful and if things ever get you so upset again remember that your Mummy is here for you, and will look after you. I think the only thing we need to do next time, assuming you think there should be a next time, is take steps to stop so much mess getting all over the bed clothes. Do you agree?" I agreed and then She said, "Now, clean up and then come back to bed with me, because I want to snuggle in to my darling boy all night."I woke next morning quite early after having a wonderful night's sleep lying close to my beautiful mother. It was Saturday, and I was in a junior football team that had a match in a few hours so I needed to hurry. I went downstairs and made breakfast and then brought it into Her bedroom. She woke when I came back into the room and I gave Her the breakfast on a tray not knowing. The only solitude I have is in darkness — the darkness of my own thoughts and in the writing of these words. My soul is charred with tainted thoughts — constantly I find it wasting away into nothingness, therefore securing the personality of a less than human creature. I find myself screaming on the inside, unable to break free of my pain. I wear a mask of contentment that grows weaker; my smile however happy it may appear is a charade- a fake twitch of the muscles for my audience. I feel angry, I feel unworthy, I feel caged and I feel empty. These emotions make me want to break free — to leave this life in search of another for nothing I or anyone else does makes me feel truly happy and conflict free. To fill the gap I harbour in my soul seems pointless — neither family member nor any person on this earth can change the way I am. Death seems to be my only solution- my only escape and yet fate has not allowed me to leave this place and, I haven't the courage to do so myself..
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