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Difficult Rating: 5Day 4Nothing to note. A surprisingly easy day squeezed in between two difficult ones.Difficult Rating: 2Day 5Today, I considered quitting. I questioned why I was doing it, depriving myself of this tiny joy, and started to envision what quitting after 5 days or 7 days would look like. But I did not fail. I courageously pressed on.Difficult Rating: 8Day 6I started to put together the structure of this piece, converting iPhone notes to the words above. The very act of writing about NOT masturbating caused me to think A LOT about masturbating. I began to bargain with myself and consider loopholes in my experiment. Does “not masturbating” mean “not orgasming,” so am I permitted to touch myself just not to completion? Or is that somehow crueler to my body? Is it playing with fire, or does it reveal the strength of my will? Is looking at sexy photos itself a sort of masturbation? Wikipedia laid down the law:Masturbation: a definition.Masturbation is the sexual stimulation. The bed was small, but the mattress on it was thick and soft. I fell asleep Immediately. I woke up suddenly at ten. The sun was high up in the sky and a bright light was coming into the room through the small window. The power supply had gone and the old, dirty-looking ceiling-fan in the room had stopped working. I was bathing in sweat. I started to turn over on my side and I looked at Shiju’s mother. I froze. She was deep asleep. I could hear her gentle snoring. She was lying on her side with her back to me. Just like me, she was bathed in sweat. The white and yellow sari she was wearing had become quite disorderly. I don’t know how, but her sari and her petticoat had moved a long way up from its position at her feet, and her legs were bare up to the thighs. And what lovely thighs they were! Fat and round, fairer than the rest of her. I looked away the moment my eyes fell on them. But when I realized that she was fast asleep, I let my eyes slowly rest on them. Suddenly, my heart.
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