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My name is Billy Joe or at least it was up until five yearsago, when I answered an ad in the newspaper. The ad said: "Young manwanted for domestic service. No experience necessary. Uniform and trainingprovided. Generous terms." Domestic servicedidn't sound too hard and if they were willing to pay a lot they must be loadedand have lots of valuable stuff in their house. All I had to do was play alonguntil they trusted me and then rip them off. I went to a pay phone and called the number in the ad. Awoman's voice answered. She asked me my name. I told her. She asked me how oldI was. I told her18. Then she asked me my height and weight. I thought that wasstrange, but maybe they already had the uniform and wanted to be sure it wouldfit. I told her I was five foot seven and weighed 135 pounds. She asked mewhere I lived. I wasn't about to tell her I had just been released fromjuvenile detention, so I lied and said I was new in town and hadn't found aplace yet. She asked me where I was. ”-Warren Zevon, “When Johnny Strikes Up The Band“Contessa Helena de San Finzione sat at her second funeral in three days. Next to her in the back row so that others could see, Nigel Mander sat in a black suit of his own. A string quartet played somber, funereal versions of the film scores of John Williams as Eliot Silverman was laid to rest.She’d worn a different veil and dress at the service for Arturo Lopez back in San Finzione than she was now wearing in Los Angeles. In the distance, photographers were being kept away, and Helen knew that it was because she was there. A part of being Contessa that Helen disliked more than having to attend so many more funerals than she used to. Because of who she was and the circumstances of Eliot’s death, paparazzi were trying to hop the fence in hope of getting a picture of La Contessa in a moment of personal grief. Catching her in the same outfit, even for two services this close together, would make the tabloid press go nuts. That would fuel.
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