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Deep inside me. The more I try not to think about it, the more it comes back. The more I feel it. I am transgender. I want to be a woman. I need to be a woman.Ever since high school, when I marvelled at lingerie models in the newspaper, pretending to pose like them, feeling jealous of the skirts and tights the girls in my class were wearing, dreaming of being a lesbian submissive, I have struggled to shake it off.I have bought dresses, lingerie, high heels, I have thrown them away. I have bought them again. Rinse, repeat. Once a crossdresser, always a crossdresser. So the online forums say. It never leaves you. But I am more than a crossdresser. I need to be female 24/7, 365. I need to change completely. I need to transform my body. My lower body has always been feminine, broad hips, shapely ass cheeks which respond well to gym work, petite feet and legs. My upper body is a mixed bag. I have always carried some fat on my chest, even when I have a 6 pack. My shoulders are narrow. I. “I mean, they’re the only reason most guys want to talk to me, and I hate that. I hate it because it’s all they want---well, they want more, of course, but my boobs are up front, you know, and that’s all they think about.”“I don’t understand---you have a boyfriend, right? I mean, so what about him?”“No,” she said with a wave of her hand. “That’s why I have a make believe boyfriend.”“What?”“I know. It’s shows how completely insecure I am. But I don’t like building relationships on first impressions. So I told the girls in school that I going out with this older guy---he’s like twenty-two and in college, so I can’t show him off. We, umm, meet on weekends and not every weekend, so I keep the kids in school guessing, you know?”“Why?” I asked, it sounded crazy to me; hadn’t she asked me over? Why me?“So what do you think I like you for?” I asked with a smile.“You’re always pleasant. You talk to me---I mean to me and not at my boobs. Oh, I know you check them out, but everyone does that..
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