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” I turn over with head down and ass up, arms out in front of me. I hear him mumbling under his breath but can not make out his words. I don’t know if I should ask him what he said or not, but I decide I can’t possibly make him more angry so I will.“I’m sorry Sir, I could not hear my command.”“I did not give you a command. But I have decided that since you enjoy being tied up so much that we shall do so tonight. Don’t bother telling me no, I always let it be in the past, but I know how you enjoy it now, with John, so you’re going to enjoy it now with me.” So there we have it. He is angry because I asked about John, thinking I am not happy with just him any more. He couldn’t be more wrong. Yes I enjoy our time with John, but only because Sir arranged it. I much prefer time alone with him, and wish our time was as it was in the past, before John. I know there is no point in telling him and decide I will show him. He has cuffs around my wrists pulled to either side of the bed, pulled. I felt so incredibly nervous. Biting my lip with anxiety as I tried to get the words out. Deep down I knew it was what I wanted. Last Saturday had just been an appetizer, and after a week of sorting out my confused emotions, I was like a teenager wanting to move from backseat fumbling to going all the way for the first time. It was just, I was frightened to say the actual words.As if saying the actual words would make me a bad person, make me a woman at odds with my own self-image. Like most women, a self-image melded from motherly homilies, media images, and peer pressure. A good wife and mother wasn’t meant to share the same brazen appetites for sexual exploration that’s fine for guys.Seeing my hesitation, I could see guilt suddenly appear in Dave’s face. “Sorry, honey. I didn’t mean to put you on the spot. I know this week’s been hard. Sorry.” His face now backed up his apology.It was like Dave’s own words were the key that finally allowed me to speak, as I hesitatingly began, not.
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