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I wish you wouldn’t visit so often. I don’t want to hear about life outside, it has no meaning in here. And I wish you wouldn’t hold me so close. I can sense your fear though you try hard these days to conceal it. You were angry at first, and that I understood. But why are you so afraid now? You got your way. I’m still breathing. Not like Christopher. His name is a piercing blade to the numbness and I am grateful for it. October I am glad you brought me back here. The uncompromising landscape soothes me. The grey moody sky, the shrieking winds and ocean spray. The rage of the waves echoes through me, it feels so familiar. But enough, I must have my say today. The ‘madness within’ you call it. A dominating, powerful force that you feel drives me to both despair and delight. You derive comfort in any medical diagnosis that supports this theory of yours. And shallow optimism from chemicals designed to ‘correct’ this condition of mine. Madness? Perhaps. Powerful, certainly. But it’s no. Again, the wanton recklessness struck me, and I asked if I could try something, although I wasn’t sure if I could do it. He smiled his assent, and I moved down his body, so that my mouth was in line with his large cock (and it didn’t just seem large to me, it actually was large – he tried to warn me before and my eyes water every time I think about how big he is!). I don’t think he was expecting to find my mouth suddenly next to his cock, though. He’d got used to me needing everything to be slow and careful. I started by gently touching, patting and cupping his balls, a funny little sack of “somethings”, like unknown sweeties in a floppy wrapper. I wrapped my other little hand around his shaft. I was desperately afraid I was going to do it wrong, or hurt him, or make a fool of myself, but my desire to give him something that would make him happy overruled that fear. And gently, tentatively, I let the tip of my tongue touch his end. Fear making me breathe hot and heavy down his.
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