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I love you. The beautiful person that you are both inside and out. And I want to spend the rest of my days proving it to you if that’s what you want also. I know I behaved badly this weekend and I apologize. I was mad with jealousy. I couldn’t bear the thought of anyone else seeing your exquisite beauty. I couldn’t bear the thought that you would one day leave me for another man. I shouldn’t have–’ ‘Shh.’ Her finger pressed against his lips cut him off. ‘You’ve monologued long enough. I get it, you love me.’ She slowly removed her fingers from his lips planting a brief kiss there in the interim. ‘I love you too.’ They stood that way for a moment, within touching distance but not touching. Only staring into each other’s eyes and luxuriating in the moment. Her hand connecting with his cheek shattered the silence. It was by no means as hard as the slap she had given him on Saturday, but it had a little sting to it. His hand immediately came up to cover the hot area. ‘What the hell?’. Before, I was walled off, emotionally, focused on doing whatever it took to get my fix -- and trying not to think about how I was lying, cheating and stealing and using people. I couldn't get emotionally involved with anyone under those circumstances, as it would only hurt us both. Once my 'fix' had an emotional component -- and really didn't involve hurting anyone -- I could open up; in fact, I had to in order to be effective. I was sad for some of these guys -- and helping them and giving them a little comfort helped ME, so it wasn't something I had to be ashamed of. I could atone for my sins AND get my 'fix'; it was the best of both worlds.Monday night was good, and Tuesday night was better; Sis came by Tuesday afternoon, bubbling over, and told me that Gonzalo had taken her as a concubine -- and I was actually happy for her! It didn't really help me, but the idea that I was going to take a while to sort things out had been sort of out there all along. Last night had been good; I.
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