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I was a virgin still and had wanted John, one of the schools star football players, to pop my cherry. Unfortunately, he was sleeping with my friend Toni. I got into an argument with some girls in my class because Toni accused me of trying to steal John away from her. She said I just dress up slutty so I can steal John from her. I dress the way I dress because for a 16 year old, I more than had the body to do so and since the high school had no dress code, I could wear what I wanted. I ran home after school and to my surprise, the house was empty. I went in and went straight up to my room and dropped my bag on the floor, sat at my desk and started thinking about John and how it would feel to have him be my first. I started feeling a tingling deep within me so I decided since no one else was home I would pleasure myself. I knew I had about an hour before daddy got home from work, about 3 hours before my brother bobby got home from his shift at Wal-mart, and didn’t have to worry about. Not now. Maybe not ever, despite what we did at Christmas. That was beautiful and perfect and glorious. But it was once, to prove to myself that I could do it and have no regrets of any kind.”“You really don’t have any regrets?”“No way, Steve. I love you just as much as I always did. You love me just as much as you always did. The problem is, as you put it, that I ripped your heart out and stomped on it. The fact that you’re sitting here talking to me is beyond anything I could rightfully hope for. You agreeing to let me back into your life and be my friend is a bonus. Anything beyond that is just a dream at this point, and maybe always will be.”“But that is your dream, isn’t it?”“Yes,” she sighed. “But please don’t worry about it. I made my bed and now I have to lie in it. Without you.”“That sounds so depressing, Kara,” I said. “You’re sure that you’re OK?”She nodded, “I am. But what’s the alternative? For us to start sleeping together without resolving our issues? For me to simply.
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