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Because I threatened to quit.We had run through "Hold Me Down." Everyone loved it. Donna requested a copy of the lyrics, so she could learn them. Greg informed her that she didn't need them, as she wouldn't be singing. I guess she thought Greg was going to sing it--she must have gotten a surprise when we practiced it with me singing. Everyone in the band loved it. Except for Donna, of course. She exploded."Wait a minute, I thought I was the female singer in this band!" Not on this song, Donna." Greg, God bless him, was standing his ground, at least so far. "It's a personal song for Sara, and it's too low for you." So shift it higher!" It loses something when we do that." Well, then, we don't do the song. We shouldn't have anyone singing except you and I, Greg. If you have a song that I can't sing, we shouldn't do it. Write some stuff for me to sing." And she batted her baby blues at him.This is when I, after a year of swallowing my tongue, finally exploded."Why don't you go write you. ” She got up on my desk, opened her legs, pulled aside her black lace panties and showed me. “That’s it right there,” she said. “Doesn’t look like much,” I said. “Looks are deceiving,” she said. “How long have you had this, er, ah, growth?” I said. “Since I was a little bitty baby,” she said. “Have you seen a doctor?” I said. “It’s my clitoris, Lance,” Carlotta said. “I don’t need a doctor. Surely you know that all women have them,” “Don’t call me Shirley,” I said. “Damn you and your movies,” Carlotta said. “What have movies got to do with this?” I said. “Goddamn it Lance,” she said. “I’m looking for a man who can find this nubbin, this pearl, this little man in a boat.” She pointed to the item she was referring to once again. “That’s what I’m hiring you for. Capisce?” 3 Now that I finally understood what she wanted I got right to work. The first thing I did was take out a classified ad. “Help us find the missing clitoris.” It read. “Desperate beautiful woman. Big reward. Apply at.
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