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Eileen covered her mouthwith her hands, and the circle stared at her. Well, everyone stared buttwo. Hugh's attempted show of courage was crumbling, and he seemed to besoundlessly gasping for air. Edward was doing a bit better, but his eyeswere darting around the room and he was breathing through his teeth. Myown heart was pounding hard, and it was taking sincere effort to keep myvoice even. I ignored Eileen, my friends and my nervousness alike. She'dbe fine, and they'd done this before. I couldn't stop now."You will know if you have been chosen. Flames will eat at you, neitherhot nor cold, not painful but nevertheless consuming, leaving void intheir wake. They will erase your physical being, leaving only youressence. What you are will cease, but who you are will continue. You arebeing baptized for your new life, freed from the cage of what was."Eileen was leaning forward and hyperventilating. Thomas had a hand onhers. Edward's eyes were closed, and he was shaking his head in. ‘You must have really loved her,’ then, ‘Oh my God, you still do. You’re still in love with her.’ And most damning of all, ‘I really feel sorry for you.’ Rarely would I pick up a woman. And I would try to be very tender and gentle. Next I spent two months touring throughout the mid-west. Again, rarely would I pick up a woman. And one day I realized that when I did pick up a woman, it would almost always be someone who was tall . . . and slender . . . and had long dark hair. By now I had been gone for over 10 months. I drove to Oregon, and rented a camp site overlooking the Pacific Ocean. I bought a laptop and started writing, determined I would expunge this hold Susan had over me. I was angry, and I knew if I started writing and put my anger on paper I would realize the best thing that ever happened to me would be catching Susan with Thornton. The first anger filled words I wrote were: ‘I have always heard there are three kinds of people in the world.’ I wanted to put her betrayal on.
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