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"Yes, and it's saved me from believing all that crap about you loving only me. Oh, and by the way, Derek came to see me last Friday. He had a lot to say." He did what?" Now she was floundering."He told me a lot, and you said yourself that he's absolutely truthful and honest, he would never lie. He told me he wrote the letter, that letter, the one that got you into his bed. He told me a lot more. I assume you'll tell me the same things as our talks proceed?"She was speechless. Then she shook her head."Why did he go to you?" she asked. She looked dazed."He wanted me to give you up to him, to let you go. I was keeping you under my spell because of your pity for me and because you felt guilty at being with, what was his phrase? Ah yes, 'the better man.'"There was another silence. I broke it."I think that this is a good time to call a halt for tonight. You can go home and think through what I've told you. In the meantime I have other people to see, to find out if what Derek told me is. But then how could I go through life never experiencing the sheer heaven of my 'special' orgasms? Yet, to continue on and drug innocent people and use them for my own ends was too low and underhand to contemplate. This was a time of profound soul searching, I felt that it was a 'no win' situation, damned if I do, damned if I don't. Could I ever justify doing to others what Ian had done to me? My mind was in turmoil, ridden with guilt that I could even think of doing such a thing and yet driven by the compelling need for mind-blowing sex.There was no way that I could make such a big decision on my own, I needed to talk to someone, share the burden of making such a epic choice. But the awful truth was, that there was no one I trusted enough that I could discuss this problem with, I was on my own. It was then that I remembered a book that I'd read years ago about a man who lived his life according to a roll of the dice. That way, it would transfer the onus from me and to an inanimate.
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